The Foolish Misadventures and Mistakes of one Scotty Fennell

The more I deal with people or even people I thought as friends. The more I realize that I need to choose inner peace and a forward momentum thought process. To not give up on myself or my dreams and goals. To not allow the thoughts and opinions of others to distract me from finding my purpose. Now more than ever I need to let friendship go and stop looking at my past mistakes. Stop viewing myself as a bad person, but one that people like to say is bad so they don't feel guilty fucking me over. So Peace and Forward Momentum. 

Teddy Roosevelt one said to be action. Over the past 25 years I have allowed events to damage me forcing me to live in fear. Allowing my self to descend into a state of decay and apathy. Be action. Yet I haven't been. Thinking myself as a person who some intellectual merit yet I keep holding on to things allowing it to hold me back. Another thing is I hate having to walk on egg shells for anyone. Sadly I am in a position that I have to. It's bullshit. I feel as if the Lord Christ has abandoned me for I am not worthy of any holy consideration. I am the ultimate Black Sheep. The outcast. I can only assume that is my own doing to be treated as such. The actions of others I view as corrupt seem to benefit certain people well. All I ever feel is an unending loneliness. 

I really need to learn not to give a fuck about other people and their problems. I need to stop being the guy that gets shit for people. I need to be selfish and stop trying to take people out to lunch or get them something they don't have. I need to only think about myself and not other's. Trying to be the great guy has not worked out for me. 

 Why does it feel like the world is out to fuck over every single person. how is it we allow companies to fuck people over. I just lost 350 bucks because i did not finish an application to an apartment. That is some next level bullshit. I can not tell you how pissed off I am. I needed that money. yet these fucking assholes have stolen it on some bullshit technicality. I am sick of being powerless against things like this and other stuff. I am so tired of this shit. 

 For the last few months I have wondered about who I really am. What is my purpose. Have I failed in finding my purpose? The things I seek are out of my reach. Could it be the usual argument against me? My laziness? Could that be the thing that has kept me from rising to new levels of life? I pray everyday for the new beginning I am hoping for. I really need my own place especially for my own peace. I am super sick of living where I am at now. Dealing with someone I once looked up too. Only now the shine of what I thought of him has warn off. I get it my cats are assholes and Asoka loves to shit everywhere. Vader is just a dick, but dude complains about my cats while not going anything about the roaches in this shit hole. I keep thinking about my mistakes. The fact that I have not put that much effort into building the life I want.   need to completely change my ways. Focus on what I want. Fuck everyone else. Especially since everyone drops mt ass like it is nothing....