The Foolish Misadventures and Mistakes of one Scotty Fennell

 I seek to better myself, Currently I am staying at a homeless shelter and there are people here who can't support themselves and whine about their situation.  I honestly am having issues with myself, but I am trying to get myself right as quickly as I can. Not going to lie it is hard, but I am also not one of these people to only sit there and wait for someone to save me. No one is coming to save any of us. We have to do what we need to do to create the l9ives we desire. I have to rebuild and create a new version of myself that is better than all the previous versions of me. I have to change and be better than I am. The goal is to be better today than I was tomorrow. Daily progress even if it is small progress. I need to focus only on myself. Stop dicking around with all the stupid shit. Be the person people expected me to be. If the cast me as the villain I am going to be the best villain I can be. My morality is mine. I am no longer going to worry about what a good man is. ...

I know no one reads my lil blog. I often wonder what my Funeral will be like. What if any kind words will be spoken about me. How many of the people there will be happy and over joyed that I am dead. How many of those will finally say what they really felt about me. How many if all the fake people we meet will show up. I watched a few people who were at my Mother's. It felt like it was the fakest thing. My Sister organized it and it felt so disrespectful. Not even my Grandma went. Lisa only wanted to spend the bare minimum on it. Knowing how Lisa felt for our mother it shouldn't surprise anyone. I know I don't want anyone from my Family to be there. 

The main issue is I wasted time and opportunity. I wasted a lot all to experience certain things and try and keep up with certain people That abandon me later anyways. What to do now? I can't get that time back or correct any of my mistakes. What do I do know. "When you have lost everything return to your wife." My grandfather said that to me in Spanish once and told me what is meant in English. When you have lost everything return to the beginning. Soon I will be going to SPC to enroll back into school to get my degree. History drives my soul and I need to know find the path I need to be on. I need to retrain my self to be more disciplined and dedicated to the task that lays before me. Embrace the suck. 

I was never really racist until moving to St Pete. But holy moly has my hatred for blacks grown. They are some repugnant people. Anything they touch turns to shit. You give them any bit of power and they are just the worst to deal with. I am starting to believe my great grandfather was correct in his thinking and actions. Don't get me wrong I too decend from those of the African continent, but it is drowned out by the European blood. Gladly so too. 

There are certain organizations and businesses that have rubbed me the wrong way. One being the Salvation Army. Currently staying there. You look at a place that has its press acting like they are a welcoming and wholesome organization that believes in the Christ and blah blah blah. It might have started with good intentions, but overtime has gotten away from the beginning idea. Or may this was the idea to begin with. Did you know they charge 30% of your income to stay at their shelter if you have a job. The expect you to go to their church if you are staying there. For some odd reason during the week they kick you out between 0900 to 1600. I honestly if given any measure of power would tav the fuck out of the whole organization. Especially with how they are treating people.

Janelle, Gabby, Tricia, Keshia. All lovers who I lost and left a mark on my soul and heart. Janelle had such a hold over my mind and heart. It truly was a madness. My obsession with her spanned a decade. I made certain incorrect choices because of her. Gabby is another one that haunts my dreams. I still desire her to a point. Both her and Janelle had a weird ass hold on my heart and mind. Tricia and Keshia damaged my badly in my youth. I should move on from all of them especially with how many girls I have had sex with. I honestly would if given the power just use women for sex. If I was of a certain status financial wise I would probably hire  hookers every night just So I could nut. Con certain female companions to get used by me. I almost forgot about Kaylyn Upton. I loved fucking that girl. I remember one time she came to my house drunk we weren't dating and I just fucked the daylight out of her. I so enjoyed fucking all of them. I wouldn't mind a second pass at Kaylyn. May...

While my father is a legendary figure in my life that only now exists via the stories and memories of my mind. I noticed something that hit me hard the other day. While thinking about him I realized the difference between myself and him. While he was an extremely well loved and respected man to many. He went through the same medical situation that I am going through. Yet he gave up on life to an extent. He at the end stopped eating food and only drank Pepsi soda. Which caused him to expire faster than he should have. He according to my mother bought a gun to what she thought was to kill himself. I doubt it, but you never know. Currently I am homeless and living in a shelter. Yet I am staying positive Taking it one moment at a time and focusing on rebuilding my life. Man the people here are some negative vibes having MF. I at least have a job. I met a cute girl here at the shelter who I would totally fuck and cum all in her. Totally my type. Damaged and young. The kind of female you use...

Living at a Shelter. Not going to lie these fucking people are insane. God places us in certain situations to learn and to get build ourselves into something better. Turns out God wants me here to learn. To better myself and get myself out of whatever this is. A brick in the added knowledge in my life experience. To have me understand humanity more and to understand myself the most. I am not a bad person. I am not evil. I am not worthless. I am enough. I just need to be more disciplined in my life and get out and do the things that need to be done. I've gone through more things than my Father or my grandfather have. I have experiences that they would not understand. It doesn't make me better than them. It allows me to be better than I was the previous day. Today I have two confirmed interviews and a possible third one. I hope I can get the job that is 40 hours, but the 16 hours or the 24 hours would be great too. Only God knows which one it will be. I will pray in a few to ask ...