My inner dilemma

 My entire life I have tried to be what society considers as normal. But while people tell you to be yourself it never ends well for me being the person I am in front of other people. It is like I can never be the true me, because I am not normal I have never been normal. I honestly do not have that inner capability . When I was very young I promised to be the very honest version of myself as I could, only to learn that society while it says it values honesty actually wants the lie. I have been thinking a lot and I hate this, but I have lost everything in being the most honest and human version of myself. Mom was right in trying to get me to wear a mask. My sister is a master of wearing that mask of being super fake. I honestly do not know how she can live with herself. I always thought God wanted us to be honest. But it could be I am a fool expecting something that does not exist. God Help me. 

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