Sitting here overthinking



 Currently sitting in a place I don't want to be. I honestly can not wait till I have my own spot to call home again. Freedom is what your own place it. While sitting here on what it now Thanksgiving morning, my thoughts wondered to thinking about my Mom. She wasn't perfect, but she was my Mom. I don't think I could ever forgive the things my sister said about our mother while she lay dying in Hospice. Is that wrong of me sure. I have a lot of unresolved anger towards Lisa. Mom only wanted for me and her to get along. Sadly that was never an option. I know I sure as hell tried. Mom was someone who enjoyed life in her own way. She enjoyed being at a good party. I am not like my Mother. I enjoy staying home and doing my hobbies. I need to figure out where I keep going wrong with my life. What am I doing wrong. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

If I ever had the power.

There are certain organizations and businesses that have rubbed me the wrong way. One being the Salvation Army. Currently staying there. You look at a place that has its press acting like they are a welcoming and wholesome organization that believes in the Christ and blah blah blah. It might have started with good intentions, but overtime has gotten away from the beginning idea. Or may this was the idea to begin with. Did you know they charge 30% of your income to stay at their shelter if you have a job. The expect you to go to their church if you are staying there. For some odd reason during the week they kick you out between 0900 to 1600. I honestly if given any measure of power would tav the fuck out of the whole organization. Especially with how they are treating people.
Read more

I keep thinking about what went wrong.

The main issue is I wasted time and opportunity. I wasted a lot all to experience certain things and try and keep up with certain people That abandon me later anyways. What to do now? I can't get that time back or correct any of my mistakes. What do I do know. "When you have lost everything return to your wife." My grandfather said that to me in Spanish once and told me what is meant in English. When you have lost everything return to the beginning. Soon I will be going to SPC to enroll back into school to get my degree. History drives my soul and I need to know find the path I need to be on. I need to retrain my self to be more disciplined and dedicated to the task that lays before me. Embrace the suck. 
Read more

Lingering thoughts of past loves.

Janelle, Gabby, Tricia, Keshia. All lovers who I lost and left a mark on my soul and heart. Janelle had such a hold over my mind and heart. It truly was a madness. My obsession with her spanned a decade. I made certain incorrect choices because of her. Gabby is another one that haunts my dreams. I still desire her to a point. Both her and Janelle had a weird ass hold on my heart and mind. Tricia and Keshia damaged my badly in my youth. I should move on from all of them especially with how many girls I have had sex with. I honestly would if given the power just use women for sex. If I was of a certain status financial wise I would probably hire  hookers every night just So I could nut. Con certain female companions to get used by me. I almost forgot about Kaylyn Upton. I loved fucking that girl. I remember one time she came to my house drunk we weren't dating and I just fucked the daylight out of her. I so enjoyed fucking all of them. I wouldn't mind a second pass at Kaylyn. May...
Read more